Scenes from a Life: The Run {1/9}

She fell running.

It looked worse than it was. She could tell right away nothing was broken. Nothing was even scratched. She simply had the wind knocked out of her and was slathered in mud on her left side. 

It had rained overnight and the trail was slick. She had been paying attention to footing but dug hard into a patch that looked dry and it had given way to wet ground underneath. In a split-second, she was down.

She lay there for a moment, deciding what to do: Cry? Yell? Quit? Limp ahead? She looked at herself: Felled by the very thing that had saved her. When had running become the enemy?

For the longest time running had been her saviour. In so many ways it had taught her who she really was. How far she could push herself. What she could endure. It had shown her her strength, her grace, her grit. 

As her legs and spirit had grown stronger, she could feel the distance opening up between her unhappy past and what lay ahead. Her own two feet and the engine that fired deeply within her drove her ever closer to all that was possible. She could feel it — that pull, the draw. Obstacles fell away and the path became so clear that it rose up to meet her. 

And just when it felt like she was about to leave the ground and run on air into all that was waiting for her, she hit it: the wall. At the very moment she was supposed to soar, she crashed instead. There was nothing at the end of the path. Running had lied to her.

It has been a struggle ever since. Small but nagging injuries. Endless cycles of training starts and stops. Inconsistent results. She realized she had ceased to trust the run — that it knew what it was doing and where it was leading her. The synchronicity disappeared. Every single time she laced up it was a battle of wills — the run's and hers. One of them was going to have to surrender.

She looked down at the muddy trail as she pulled herself to her feet. She could see the imprint her sprawled body had left on impact. It's humbling to be laid flat. But it's edifying to stand yourself up. 

"Yeah. I get it," she said out loud. 

And covered in mud, she kept on running.

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Sountrack: Best Coast, "Feeling OK"